Getting my ash examined

My work flow lately has been rudely interrupted by a colonoscopy, which is quite a traumatic series of events when you include the unpleasant preparation and sweating out the pathology results in the aftermath (which thankfully resulted in good news in my case).

This is one of those medical procedures that when I younger, I always said I’d rather die from what they were looking for than submit to the exam.

But perspective and the urgency of the survival instinct change as you get older — not to mention that I’ve sadly seen friends and family members die from what the colonoscopy is looking for, and it’s not a pretty way to go at all.

So I lay on the exam table accepting my fate and waiting for the anesthesia to kick in as two doctors and three or four nurses stared at my posterior until they could have their way with me.

Before I drifted off, it occurred to me that some of the public officials I write about might have enjoyed a chance to do the inserting. (Oh, did I forget the lubricant? Oops.) I could have auctioned off the rights and cleared a little of the state debt.

I hate missed opportunities, but if I live that long, I’ve been warned I’ll be doing it all over again in about five years.

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15 Comments on “Getting my ash examined”

  1. ppcc Says:

    You could have been like Katie Couric and have the view friom the fiber optic scope ‘videotaped’ to be shown at least not publicly but privately at a later date. Seriously, that way 5 yrs from now when they do it again, which might be with completely different physicians performing the test, they will have a clear visual baseline of what a person’s colon exactly looked like many years prior and more readily spot changes, good or bad. Yes I am sure your Dr’s wrote lots of notes, however I think the old saying is true, a picture (video) is worth a thousands words.

    Don’t mean to threadjack your humorous post, however in a related vein, if the City/State had video cameras recording H1 freeway traffic, especially near off/on ramps, police would not have to completely shut down H1 freeway for over 4 hours last week trying to ‘reconstruct’ the tragic accident in which a motorcyclist was killed.

  2. Bobbie Says:

    May you live long enough to experience many more colonoscopies!

  3. el guapo Says:

    If you don’t have to go back for 5 years that means the doctor did not detect anything and I’m glad for you. It’s not a pleasant experience.

  4. David Shapiro Says:

    I’m sure Katie Couric’s innards are far more lovely than mine, just like her outards.

  5. Anticoqui Says:

    Mr. Shapiro; did the docs offer you partial knockout or only the full put-down?

  6. kalaheo Says:

    When I had mine, I dreaded it after all the stories I’d heard.

    The prep was far milder than I expected, and was not nearly as bad as eating at the wrong lunch cart too late in the day.

    The anesthesia took care of the procedure, and it was painless and easy. I hope that was your experience and you report back so people will know that it’s really not that bad and shouldn’t be avoided.

    Best wishes for an easy day of it!

  7. David Shapiro Says:

    Anticoqui, HMSA doesn’t pay for a full knockout anymore, but my doc strongly recommended it for me because he felt the meds used in the partial might exacerbate another condition I have. I would have been fine with the partial otherwise.

    kalaheo, I certainly wouldn’t discourage people from having the exam when their docs recommend it. It doesn’t make for a fun day, but undetected problems can make for months of pain, misery and an untimely exit that are much, much less fun.

  8. zzzzzing Says:

    Ah, the dreaded colonoscopy…. Glad to hear your results were good, but at least you don’t have to go back for 5 years. My doctor cheerfully said, “Guess what? Your results were good, but only 85% complete. So you get to do this again in 3 years … and you get a TWO-day prep!”

    The bastahd… 😛

  9. Michael Says:

    I sweated more at Tax time.

    I find humor to help.

  10. Jim Loomis Says:

    At the critical moment, just as I dozed off, I heard my guy say, “OK now … SMILE!”

  11. charles Says:

    The perception is worse than the reality, in my opinion.

  12. Capitol -ist/WassupDoc Says:

    Thank goodness that test is a Man Thing – I cannot imagine what it would be like to be exposed like that. On the other hand, you guys don’t have to put up with pregnancy, labor & delivery.

  13. David Shapiro Says:

    Cap, I hate to break the news, but this exam is not a “man thing.” It’s looking for colorectal cancer, not prostate cancer, and women are just as susceptible as men.

  14. Michael Says:

    Fact is that a Hawaii man was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Seems not a female thing only!

  15. Michael Says:

    Our Government leaders should take a colonscopy
    to see what’s up with their thinking.
    It would be like flashing a light in one ear and it shines out the other.

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