Pirates of the Campaign Trail

Light is always a good way to start the week, so when KITV posted a random pirate name generator in honor of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” opening, I couldn’t resist entering the names of some of our elected officials to see what it would spit out:

Gov. Neil Abercrombie: Shoutin’ Neil the Pain Distributor

Let. Gov. Brian Schatz: Swabbin’ Brian Chumbucket

House Speaker Calvin Say: Pennyless Calvin Dancer

Senate President Shan Tsutsui: Faceless Shan of the Scull Thieves

Sen. Daniel Inouye: Bacon Fat Dan of the East

Sen. Daniel Akaka: Saggin’ Dan the Snake Wrangler

Rep. Mazie Hirono: Puffy Shirt Mazie the Wealth Taker

Rep. Colleen Hanabusa: Ruthless Colleen Cannonballs

Mayor Peter Carlisle: Eye-Gougin’ Peter the Class Skipper

Council Chairman Nestor Garcia: Noseless Nestor the Horse Kicker

Prosecutor Keith Kaneshiro: Decayin’ Keith the Mean

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4 Comments on “Pirates of the Campaign Trail”


  1. Surprising how appropriate those are, particularly Akaka and Inouye. Any better description that “Snake Wrangler” for a senator?

  2. Manoa Kahuna Says:

    Oh! I love the names generated. Please include them every time you write about them. For instance:

    “Mayor Eye-Gougin’ Peter the Class Skippe Carlisle appointed people who will never ride a train or bus to oversee Honolulu’s transit system.”

  3. el guapo Says:

    I got “Bloody David Shapiro Doom”

  4. David Shapiro Says:

    That’s pretty good. The first one I got was “Sickly Dave Sparrow.”


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