Posted tagged ‘Life’

The TSA’s ‘grope-a-dope’ strategy

November 19, 2010

I’ve earned the right to be a little bit amused by the national uproar over airport body scans and pat downs by security officers.

As a wheelchair passenger who can’t go through metal detectors or x-ray scanners, I’ve been subjected to extreme pat downs ever since 9/11.

I won’t go into the sordid details, but let’s just say it’s always ended with some hairy guy assuring me that he’ll be touching my private parts with only the back of his hands — as if that makes all the difference.

(I know, the TSA guy probably goes home and tells his wife, “You should have seen the hairy guy in a wheelchair I had to feel up today.”)

Anyway, the TSA folks are now in a snit because many travelers are opting for pat downs to avoid going through new full-body scanners that essentially take naked pictures of them.

To discourage people from insisting on the more time-consuming procedure, TSA agents doing pat downs now have authorization to touch private parts with — GASP! — the FRONT of their hands.

As I pondered the implications, I received an e-mail offering me an interview with Trends Journal publisher Gerald Celente, who sees a way to a “happy ending” in all of this.

I’m going to pass on the interview, but here’s what the press release said:

The “Celente Solution”

Just as the Government invariably gets everything else wrong, its grope-the-public strategy is upside-down and inside-out, contends Celente.

“As a strictly heterosexual, if I’m going to get groped in an airport – be it in public or private – I want to be groped by a gal. Period! And, ideally, I would like to choose my groper. Does the TSA have a ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ policy,” he asks? “What twisted TSA/government bureaucrat put in place this guy-gropes-guy policy?” . . .

Celente readily acknowledges that his “solution” is male-oriented. “I’m speaking only for myself and on behalf my guy friends,” said Celente, “not for women. They’ll have to find their own solution.”

Path of least resistance

October 15, 2010

I’m tired after parrying with commenters yesterday when I was supposed to be working on my flashbacks column, so I’m going to buckle down on that and avoid writing anything provocative today.

Let’s just say, Go ‘Bows! … er, Warriors!

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